If you ever start to date a man who fits one of the descriptions below, be wary: these guys come with baggage.
1. The Man Who Hates His Job
Hating your job — where you spend the majority of your time — is a destructive mindset which can poison a relationship. It’s one thing to be mildly dissatisfied with work life while at work, but a man who is absolutely miserable at his job will spend a good amount of his free time being absolutely miserable about it as well, and that’s not good.
It’s important to like what you do, and if this man doesn’t, why is he still doing it? Why doesn’t he change his career, or advance in it, or do his best to change his attitude?
You don’t want to date someone who gets stuck in an unhappy situation and doesn’t do anything about it. Is this what he’s going to be like if there are relationship problems down the line?
2. The Man Who’s Obsessed With His Mother
He loves her, defers to her, consults her about everything, and you will never live up to her.
Or conversely, he hates her, constantly complains about her, and expects you to be the complete opposite of her.
Either way, there isn’t enough room in a relationship for you, him, and the giant Shadow Of His Mother.
3. The Man Who Needs To Be Admired
It’s not enough for you to tell him he’s smart and funny and attractive. He needs to feel it and hear it from other people, too, and he’s willing to work for it by constantly flirting with other people, via email, at parties, in line at the grocery store, with the waitstaff of restaurants…everywhere. Even though he won’t straight out cheat, you’ll never feel enough for this man, because, well, you aren’t.
4. The Man Who Has Friends You Never Meet
He’s always emailing, texting, or running off to see “friends,” but you’re never invited to come along. It’s not that you suspect he’s cheating on you, but a guy who compartmentalizes his life like that is clearly not ready to share it with anyone else. Either he’s ashamed of you, or he’s ashamed of them: either way, it’s a red flag.
5. The Man Who Wants To Rescue You
For some reason, he always seems to date people who are complete basket cases, because he likes to play the hero. He loves to act as a stabilizing force, rescuing women from their situations or themselves, advising, helping, tranquilizing. The more troubled a woman is, the more attracted he feels: he needs to feel needed. But the second her life starts to get in order, he loses interest: because, without her issues to take away the focus from him, he’s left with his own problems and insecurities to deal with. And that he absolutely cannot do.
6. The Man Who Puts Work First
He’s late for dates because he “got caught up at work”, or otherwise he’s too exhausted to go out. When he’s with you he’s preoccupied, always solving problems in his head and itching to get back to his computer. He hasn’t taken a vacation in years. He promises that things will change “once things calm down a bit at work”, but they never seem to. He might really like you, he might even love you, but work is his entire life, which doesn’t leave much room for a relationship with you.
7. The Man Who Can’t Believe You Picked Him
At first, it’s flattering and endearing that he seems to think he’s so out of your league. He just can’t believe that you would ever be attracted to a guy like him, such a loser. In fact, he goes on and on about this, for so long, that eventually you start to believe him.